Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Spare Change

Dear US Mint:

Enough is enough. First you messed with the quarter, creating a frenzy of state quarter collection display kits. Then, let’s not forget the “golden dollar” fiasco. I mean really, how did you expect to replace a $1 bill with a coin? Did you not take into consideration how this new piece of metal would be incompatible with vending machines? (Thank you Ohio Turnpike for giving me no less than eight golden dollars in change last October—they are still sitting on my dresser at home.) Now you have started messing around with nickels.

But today was the last straw: I finally got one of those new-fangled $10 bills from Starbucks as part of my change, and I have one word for you—fugly! It’s not even green anymore! The entire thing is cat-piss peach! Do you really think any one is going to take our country seriously when our currency is PEACH? It also has crazy gold and copper metallic ink splashed on it, and different-sized ovals devoid of any ink on either side.

I have news for you: if embedding plastic strips in currency doesn’t evade counterfeiters, what makes you think a crazy LSD-inspired color scheme will?



Also at Starbucks: I dropped my change as I was paying the guy at the drive-in window, so I opened my door to pick up the dime I had dropped (Yes, I am that CHEAP!) and there was a whole pile of coins there! Is it wrong that I scrounged up another $ 0.40?


And finally:
On the cardboard insulating strip around my coffee, it reads:

Succedaneum—winning word from the 2001 national spelling bee.

I was the spelling bee champ at my school in both the 6th and 7th grades. Do you know what my winning word was that first year?

--I guess we weren’t exactly known for our academics!


Anonymous said...

when I was in the spelling bee, I missed on the word muscle. I was thinking of the other kind of mussel. What a desert kid like me was doing thinking of shellfish, I have no idea!
Have you seen other countries' currency? Some of it looks like it was invented by Walt Disney!
I love picking up loose change. Sounds like you made a killing at the drive-thru. I'll have to remember to open my car door next time...

Anonymous said...

I also have arsonist fantasies that include piling all of my stuff into a pile and chucking a match at it all...shhh, don't tell my insurance company!

Chris said...

Have you gotten a response from the mint yet? Maybe they are on acid?

Did you check the seats of your car? I always rake in the change there.

Spelling bee champ 2 years running, huh? I knew you were smart.

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Kate said...

Not so much smart as over-involved in too many extracurriculars... and pretty mediocre at all of them!!!