Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Penis Envy

Um yeah, so obviously I have nothing to envy in this department. However, I believe that I have been unofficially appointed the floor "Penis Expert" after this morning.

After signing out my patients with the oncoming resident this morning, a nurse came up to me and said there was something wrong with a presurgical patient's penis. I couldn't imagine there being any real urgency to the situation as he already had a urinary catheter in. While I continued making small talk, the charge nurse went into the room and came out real fast saying, "One of you ladies needs to get in here-- NOW." So the other intern and I walked in. The other intern asked him about pain in the area and then just said "I don't know what it is."

Then I glanced down, and said, "Oh, it's a paraphimosis." This instantly led to heads whipping around in my direction and jaws dropping.

"A what?" somebody asked.

"A paraphimosis... he's uncircumcised and his foreskin is stuck. He's ok to go to the OR this morning, and he'll probably be fine once you take the catheter out, but you might as well have urology see him this afternoon."

After I stepped out of the room, more questions followed with how I knew that, and how to spell it, and all sorts of other stuff. I think they were just amazed that I had an answer for once. I explained that perhaps since the penis was such a small anatomical area that it was easier for me to remember what problems could develop in that area, whereas more complex systems like the heart and lungs just lead to confusion.

Of course the cute, tall nurse was there for all this, and now I'm sure he thinks I'm some sort of sexual deviant. Perhaps it's just as well as he doesn't meet my new age restriction (within 5 years of me).

Every now and then, be it ever so seldom, I do occasionally know what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, this time it's not exactly going to improve my reputation!

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After all that, I was wide awake, so I went to the gym and ran 2.0 miles without stopping! It was horribly slow, but at least it was something. There's a 5 K late next month that I'm thinking about signing up for just to help get myself back on track.

I spent the afternoon transplanting hostas from under my deck to around the base of the maple tree in my front yard.

8 comments:

Sarah said...

just wondering what you did to "fix" the problem. The site that you linked to used the word "manipulation"...was there any of..."that" involved? :)

Kate said...

No, at least not on my part! I went home and I think they probably "fixed" it after surgery today--hopefully without any needles or scalpels.

Chris said...

Oh HELL! I just got over the trauma of the word apophallation.....

Do you know how to circumsize a whale?

Send down four skin divers!

Great job on the 2 miles and good luck on the 5 k!

Kate said...

That's my goal... inspiring terror through obscure medical conditions :)

ru said...

I never knew that medicine could be so, um, phallically challenging.

ru said...

RYC: Yes, those are the stolen flip flops that replace the ones that I gave you. The picture I tried sending you is on my journal today.

ru said...

RYC: Yes, those are the stolen flip flops that replace the ones that I gave you. The picture I tried sending you is on my journal today.

ru said...

RYC: Yes, those are the stolen flip flops that replace the ones that I gave you. The picture I tried sending you is on my journal today.