Saturday, August 05, 2006

Half-Assery

Lately, I've been on autopilot. At work, I keep busy and try to see more and more patients. I think I'm managing a better patient load, however I can't help but wonder whether or not I'm doing my best. I'm not really looking things up in between patients. I'm not really keeping up with my assigned reading, and often I don't feel like I'm learning as much as I should be. I guess a lot of it still has to do with spending time figuring out all of the details (for example, not hanging up on the surgeon who is finally returning my page 2 hours later!), too.

I have seen some cool things. I correctly assessed and started the workup on a patient with a neck fracture all by myself. I convinced the most skeptical of attendings today that my patient had strep throat. I met an amazing young boy with growth hormone deficiency that returned a second night in a row and requested me to be his doctor. And today, a young teenager who was rather sullen and skeptical of my knowledge last week was excited to spot me from across the department where her father was being treated and came all the way over to say hello.

I really don't know what the hell I'm doing, and it's scary. Today, only one of my medication orders got re-written by a nurse. I'm on the phone with people who have oodles more knowledge and life experience than I do, describing symptoms and findings improperly... and so far, they're actually tolerating me. Granted, I have pissed off a few people here and there, but the ones I seem to encounter again and again, I'm slowly winning over.

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My parents left tonight after we went out to dinner one last time. I think they had fun exploring the area, and although I didn't get to spend quite as much time with them as I would have liked, it was still nice to see some familiar faces. However, now I can go back to my hot bubble baths and avoiding civilization when I don't feel like dealing with people.

In the meantime though, there are friends I've been neglecting. My best friend's in a mess, and I hate that I'm not there to distract her with my stupidity. Another friend is debating postponing her wedding, and there are many more that I really owe a phone call or two.

And then there's all the unpacking, and projects around the house. Even my blog's been neglected:

3 comments:

Chris said...

Here's a tip....never try to take a hot bubble bath in a jacuzzi tub.....it makes a mess....I know. It was worth a few giggles though.

Hang in there Kate. You are on the steep part of the learning curve. You'll be rocking along soon.

Clampett said...

Well, at least you haven't neglected the patients, eh.

ru said...

K, I am glad that someone has joined me in half-assery boot camp. Damn autopilot!