Me: "Why did you do that? Were you trying to hurt yourself?"
Pt: "Yeah. I thought that if I cut my hand deep enough, you could amputate it, and then I could get disability."
Me: "Do you work now?"
Pt: "No, I'm on disability."
Me: "So the idea was to get more disability?"
No, the hand didn't need to be amputated, it was actually a very minor laceration. I guess the economy is hitting everyone pretty hard right now, even disabled schizophrenics. And for the record, I don't think that you get bonus diability money for further injuries, so don't try that one at home.