dFwMP

Last night, I happened to glance down the hallway and there they were-- gleaming, copper-colored calf boots with a good 5-inch heel. They belonged to a young woman, and how she managed to walk in them I will never know, but it reminded me of a couple of strange cases that I had recently. In the Emergency Department, it sometimes seems like patients seem to come in clusters with the same injury. One shift it is asthma-day, the next is heart-failure day, etc.

The other week, I had two bizarre high-heel related injuries. The first was a young woman who got clubbed in the face by a stiletto. She had a D-shaped laceration present just below her eye. A few centimeters different, and she would have been like that guy in whatever horror flick that was dies after a stiletto to the eyeball by a crazy stalker woman.

The very next night, I had a 30's male come in with an eye injury. He had a lot of bruising and swelling just under his left eyebrow. He also had some loss of his peripheral vision, and his pupils were asymmetric, and the one on the left was not quite round like it should be. Into the CT scanner he went, and there was no bleed. Ophthomology came and saw him and diagnosed him with an iris sphincter tear. As for how he injured his eye, it turned out that it happened in a strip club. Apparently, he was sitting too close to the stage, and when one of the "dancers" swung around the pole, she ended up hitting him with her heel. As you can imagine, there was a lot of chuckling about his mechanism of injury.

So maybe instead of calling them FMP's, we should call them "Don't F With Me Pumps".